I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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