Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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