I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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