I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
