Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
