she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize