the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
