No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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