Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
