I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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