I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
