Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
