It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your cock deserves a montage
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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