Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
