I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
