I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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