I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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