I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
