Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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