if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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