WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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