they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need water and some morals
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
