You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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