It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
