The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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