Umm I'm too high to move.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
