need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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