From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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