How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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