Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Alive.
So much puke
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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