So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
