So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
