if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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