fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
