when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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