GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
