i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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