"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
