Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
