please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
