yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
