remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
