but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
