yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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