As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
