you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
