We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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