so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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