Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
