u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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