Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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