maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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