Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
