and you said cock pushups were impossible
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
