Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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