I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
