Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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